Need
by G. G. Fernandez
Summary: For a long time, Jenny Shepard had been afraid. She had been afraid to want something. She just needed for things now. She'd learnt the hard way that wanting something could end in heartbreak. She needed security, certainty. Safety. She needed to know what she was up against. Only then could feel safe – safe in the knowledge that she'd never feel pain like she once did.
**The following story does link to another story of mine: _Want._ However, I believe that this can be read as a stand-alone story too. **

**Part of the Chimera episode does appear in this, fair warning, but it doesn't take place in the same part of the NCIS universe as the Chimera episode does. To be honest, I don't really know where about in the timeline this fits - I'll leave it up to you lovely lot to decide.**

 **Please enjoy and thanks,  
** **G x**

* * *

Jenny Shepard didn't want for much. She just needed for things now.

She had learnt the hard way that wanting for something could end in heartbreak. She wouldn't put herself through that again. She _couldn't_ put herself through that again. All she now needed was security, certainty. Safety. She needed to know what she was up against. That was the only way she could feel safe now – safe in the knowledge that she'd never feel pain like she once did.

Her husband and his team were in the middle of a case, currently finding themselves aboard a top secret Navy research vessel somewhere in the middle of the ocean. Even with her clearance as the Director of NCIS – that was all she was allowed to know. Damned politics.

Jenny was sat in her office, her head resting in her hands. She was tired. Too tired.

She knew why. She'd known for a while. She just couldn't bring herself to tell anyone. Not yet. She was scared to admit it to herself, scared to let it be real. She knew if she did, she'd grow to want it. She couldn't allow that to happen. Not for the moment. She needed to keep it to herself.

Despite her best efforts, she yawned, taking in the much needed gulp of air. She'd had enough for one day; she needed to go home. However, work had to go on. It was barely afternoon; it was too early to call it a day no matter how much she wished.

It had been a while since Gibbs and his team had left. They had to be aboard the ship by now – they'd been gone for hours. Knowing her husband as well as she did, he'd be in contact soon.

Jenny arrived down at the Forensic Lab mere minutes later. She knew precisely how Jethro worked. Abby would be the first person he contacted, the first person to hear from them.

As expected, she heard the said woman talking to one of the team when the elevator stopped and opened upon reaching the desired floor.

"You guys okay?"

 _"_ _Yeah, yeah. We're peachy. I'm dealing with my boat phobia, Tony's dealing with his rat phobia and Ziva's dealing with her ghost phobia."_

Jenny found herself smiling as she headed across the corridor. Agent McGee could be a little dramatic at times, especially when he ended up being stuck on a boat. For someone who worked frequently with Navy Officers, a job which strongly hinted at the connection with the ocean, Tim McGee definitely didn't have a pair of sea legs.

"So what's Gibbs dealing with?" Abby asked.

 _"_ _Them."_

She recognised that voice – Jethro. He didn't sound happy.

 _"_ _Abbs, patch me through to the Director."_

She took no time to make her appearance known as she entered the lab.

"No need, Jethro. I'm here." she stopped at Abby's side, "What's the status?"

 _"_ _Well, the crew has disappeared – except for one."_

Jenny took it in. "Did he tell you where they are?"

 _"_ _No. He's dead."_

Jenny sighed inwardly. It was clear even at that point that something aboard that ship wasn't what it seemed and now her husband's team were stuck in the middle of it.

She tried to ignore the growing bad feeling in her gut and continued to find out what she could about the situation. The more information they had, the better.

"Does Ducky have a cause of death?"

She noted how tired Gibbs looked but said nothing of it. He may not have been on the same land as his wife but he knew she'd make him pay for any comment made in front of Abby or McGee. While at work, they remained professional at all times. It was Jenny's Rule #2.

 _"We're still doing tests. Don't know what killed him yet."_

 _"_ _Yes we do."_

The Director felt the knot in her stomach tighten. Ducky tone was nothing but grave, his expression worse. She had a horrible feeling the finding he was about to disclose wasn't going to make her feel any better.

She'd been right.

Neither herself nor Gibbs truly understood, not at first. Medical technobabble meant nothing to either of them – they needed English and Ducky made it quite clear:

 _"_ _If my diagnosis is correct, we'll all be dead by morning."_

Jenny felt sick, truly sick when she left the lab. She knew by the time she reached the lift she was shaking; it wasn't even her in danger.

Both she and Gibbs knew his job was dangerous. Hell, once upon a time she'd been in the field herself. She understood the risks like no other. However, this was something new. Now he actually was in danger. Fatal danger.

Jenny shuddered as the elevator closed her inside. There was a very strong chance she'd never see her husband alive again. That frightened her. It was Ducky's diagnosis and he was rarely wrong. Actually, she could count on one hand the amount of times she could recall where Ducky had been wrong. She desperately hoped he was that time. She needed him to be.

She hadn't got time to dwell on it. She had to do her job. She was the Director of NCIS, her feelings for her husband couldn't interfere with her work. There were agents on-board that ship depending on her.

MTAC was online within minutes, Jenny taking point with all signs of her fear well-hidden. She'd learnt how to master hiding her emotions a long time ago. When she'd been undercover, hiding her emotions had been the key to saving her life a good number of times. Gibbs' too.

Jenny stood, her arms folded against her chest. She'd barely been speaking to Navy Captain Kerry for more than a few minutes yet she'd taken a strong dislike. Refusing to cooperate seemed to be ringing in her mind.

All she knew so far was that the Navy ship, the Chimera, was involved in deep-sea marine-life exploration. Big help. Apparently, it was also above top secret clearance level. Even better.

She'd just about had enough. "Commander, if you insist on stonewalling me, I can take this to a higher command level."

She would. No doubt in her mind. Five members of her Agency were in trouble. There was no way she would just sit by and do nothing. Commander Kerry clearly didn't know the woman he was taking on.

 _"_ _I'm not stonewalling, Director. I'm telling you the truth."_

"You're not telling me a damn thing!" she shifted on her feet, "You do not run black ops to carry out mundane research. The lives of my agents are being threatened and I need to know what is threatening them."

Kerry wasn't aiding her already bad mood. It was clear to the MTAC technicians that she was growing irritable. Even seeing Gibbs online didn't help – she was too worked up from being kept in the dark.

She was tired of playing his game.

 _"_ _This is a classified mission."_

Jenny felt her eyes tighten. He'd said that enough times for her to be sure of that. She didn't know much else but she sure as hell knew it was _classified._

"Then read me into it!"

Rattling on about how it would be impossible to read her into it over the MTAC feed, Jenny felt her head begin to pound. Enough was a damn enough. He needed to stop. For his own sake.

"If you think I'm going to stand idly by while my agents lives are in danger, you are sadly mistaken." she caught the eye of the nearest MTAC tech. "I will be waiting for you and your file, Commander."

She signalled to cut the line. It was all she could do to stop herself from screaming.

The wait killed her. Sat in her office, aware Kerry wouldn't be too long if he had any sense, the Director had a few unwelcomed moments to herself. All she could think about was Jethro. For all she knew, he could have been dying.

She didn't allow herself to want for much nowadays and she didn't that time either. She didn't want him to come home and be okay, she _needed_ him to come home and be okay. She needed him safe.

There was so much she was beginning to regret. Nothing about their past – what has passed had passed. She'd made up for those mistakes years ago. Their marriage was the token of that. But still, she was angry with herself. _She should have told him._

Once Kerry finally arrived and got down to business, Jenny wasn't too sure what she found worse, the fact that she still felt like she was being stonewalled or the fact he was hitting on her. Couldn't he see the wedding ring sat on her finger?

She listened to him drone on about bio-warfare research. He was selling it well but she still didn't buy it – he just didn't appear sincere. He looked far more interesting in getting to know her as a woman, not the Director of NCIS.

"There must be an ORION or two that you could scramble overhead."

She wasn't taking keenly to his antics. Clearly he wasn't getting the hint games were something she wasn't in the mood for.

"I think you're gonna have to trust me." he was smiling at that point.

"I don't know you well enough, Commander."

"We can fix that."

Jenny nodded to herself, scoffing inwardly. If he couldn't take the hint, she'd just have to set him straight.

She leant forward. "You can cut the charm. Higher-ranking, richer, and definitely better-looking men have tried that on me and didn't get very far." her hands knit together.

 _Not to mention she was married._

"Now, I can't speak for you, Commander, but I didn't get where I am because of my looks, so get your eyes off me and put some on that ship!"

The day just went from bad to worse. Having already briefly lost communications with the Chimera earlier, Jenny wasn't sure what she was going to find when Kerry's ORION managed to make visual contact with the ship.

She certainly hadn't expected pirates.

She could see Jethro on the screen. He looked almost as irritable as she felt.

"The approaching craft has no known identification."

 _"_ _That seems to be the way things operate around here."_

She'd have laughed at his sarcasm if the situation hadn't had been so dire.

"You should be able to put eyes on it any minute."

She could feel her shoulders tense further the moment Kerry refused to disclose anything to her husband. So much for not stonewalling them.

 _"_ _Hold on!"_ Gibbs didn't hold back, _"You tell me heavily armed pirates are coming to attack me, you better damn well tell me what they're looking for!"_

Kerry turned to her. "Your agent hasn't been read in."

 _"_ _I don't give a damn about your secrets, Commander. I care about keeping my team safe."_

She could almost hear the strain in his voice.

 _"_ _Tell me what they want!"_

"I can't do that!"

Gibbs looked about ready to crack. _"Can someone give me a damn answer?!"_

It was time for Jenny to put her foot down. She'd damn well had enough.

"Put me though to STRATCOM!"

Her demand worked. Kerry finally shared, so much for mundane research. However, the more she heard, the more she still wasn't convinced.

Gibbs disappeared from the screen when McGee popped up, leaving Jenny solely in the company of Kerry. He was refusing to look at her. That said enough.

The MTAC feed to the boat cut off, resulting in Kerry beginning to head out. It was clear he didn't fancy staying in her company for longer than he had to.

"You gonna tell me what's really going on, Commander?"

Jenny folded her arms sharply across herself when he stopped and turned. "You heard." he stepped a little closer.

She scoffed silently; she really wasn't convinced. For someone who didn't want for much, she wanted the truth. No, she needed the truth, and she was damn well going to get it, one way or another.

"Mundane research. Secret material." she slowly shook her head, "I'm not buying it."

Kerry didn't speak, his silence infuriating her.

"You've been damn well evading my questions from the beginning." she shifted her weight, "Even the read-in was bull. So tell me what I need to know."

Kerry only stood before her, not saying a single word.

"Tell me what is happening aboard that ship!"

Her earlier demand returned. _STRATCOM._

Keller had wanted to object, she knew that. However, by the time the United States Strategic Command Commander was online and talking, he'd fallen incredibly silent.

The Director couldn't deny it, she wasn't happy when STRATCOM seemed to be refusing to cooperate too. However, unlike the Commander stood next to her, he wasn't being an ass about it. He at least talked to her with the respect she deserved – as an equal.

 _"_ _Exactly how much do you know, Director?"_

"I only disclosed the official file, sir." Kerry piped up.

Jenny felt her head drop slowly as he cut her up. That was something she promised herself to address before she had the pleasure of wishing him goodbye and never seeing him again. No-one cut her up, not when it was her right to speak. Who the hell did Commander Kerry think he was?

She turned back to face STRATCOM, ignoring her building anger at the Commander.

"And I know for a fact that its rubbish."

Her tone was harsh and the STRATCOM Commander just smiled. He'd known Director Jennifer Shepard for a long time. She was head-strong and confident enough to voice her opinions with him. He appreciated that. Others tended to walk on eggshells around him but not Jenny. Never Jenny.

 _"_ _Director, look."_ he leaded forward at his desk, _"The material from the ocean is something of a classified nature but I assure you, it poses no risk to your agents aboard the Chimera."_

"No, sir. I doubt it does." she looked pointedly, "The pirates on the other hand coming to collect it, they do."

STRATCOM frowned. _"Pirates?"_ he looked to Kerry, _"Commander?"_

Kerry was silent too long for Jenny's liking. She hadn't got time to be beating around the bush.

"Come on, James." he looked back at her at the sound of his name, "A vial of secret material? What the hell is it?! What could be so damned important that its putting my agents in danger?"

The brief frown from the STRATCOM Commander made the hairs on Jenny's neck stand on edge. That alone confirmed it. She was still as in the dark as she had been when they started.

STRATCOM turned to some fellow co-workers sat around him, ones Jenny couldn't see clearly on the screen.

 _"_ _Get me eyes on that ship. Now!"_

"Commander, tell me what's going on!" she was adamant and he could see it.

Kerry turned to her. "It's none of your concern." he answered in place of STRATCOM.

Jenny felt her jaw clench. "Well, you're damn wrong there, Commander!" she turned away from Kerry and back to STRATCOM, "Those are _my_ people on that ship. My agents! I need to know what is going on!"

STRATCOM looked at her intensely, his expression grave. He was close, she could see it.

"If they come back in body bags, I have a damned right to know why!"

The STRATCOM Commander relented.

 _"The secret material isn't anything biological."_

Jenny listened intensely, nodding slowly.

 _"_ _They're Russian nuclear warheads."_

The Director felt her eyes widen as he continued.

 _"The Chimera's assignment was to retrieve them from the ocean floor."_

"Russian?!" she looked towards Kerry. She had known he'd been lying.

STRATCOM nodded.

"So the pirates? Who are they – the Russians?"

STRATCOM looked defeated, his voice dropping significantly. _"Most likely."_

 _"_ _Sir, we've locking onto the ship."_

STRATCOM nodded at one of the technician's behind him.

Jenny's eyes widened further. "What are you doing?!"

 _"_ _I'm sorry, Director. We can't risk the Russians taking command of the vessel."_

Jenny glanced at the display in the corner of the screen, the one showing the Chimera being targeted. Her heart almost stopped.

"My people are still on-board, Commander!"

STRATCOM's lips pressed into a thin line. _"I know."_ he confessed, _"I'm sorry."_

Jenny shook her head. "James…" it was her plea.

 _"_ _Target acquired."_

STRATCOM looked back her. His remorse was evident. _"I am sorry, Jenny, but this is bigger than the lives of your agents."_

She had one ounce of fight left in her. "My people would not allow that ship to be taken over by the Russians, Commander!" she looked at him intensely, "Come on, you know Special Agent Gibbs would stop them!"

The STRATCOM Commander just shook his head. _"We've got no way of confirming that."_

Jenny felt her composure falter, only for a moment. Inside she was screaming. She knew he was right and she hated it. But what else could she do? In the long run, it was his call, not hers.

 _"_ _I'm sorry."_

Jenny just shook her head, the back of her throat stinging considerably. So basically, they didn't want anyone to know of the Chimera's existence. They just couldn't say it so plainly.

She laughed breathily to herself, her head dropping before she slowly nodded. There was nothing more she could say. She would lose whatever she said.

At that point, the Director was clutching her wedding ring desperately. She knew it was impossible but she was hoping it would somehow give her the strength to face STRATCOM once again. She didn't want for things but she wanted this – she wanted them to find another way. She _needed_ them to find another way.

Somehow, she lifted her head, meeting the STRATCOM Commander's eye.

 _"_ _I am sorry, Jenny."_

She didn't speak. She couldn't.

 _"_ _Fire."_

Jenny harshly turned her back on the screen. She didn't have the heart to see it blow up.

Her composure weakened when she heard the sound. It seemed to last forever yet it was over in seconds and just like this, they were gone. Five agents, three close friends, her husband. They were all gone.

The MTAC technicians didn't wait for her order. They ended the feed, allowing the room to fall into a relative silence. It was something she was subconsciously thankful for.

In all honesty, Jenny wasn't sure how she was still standing. She was gripping her wedding band so hard that she could feel it cutting through her skin. She didn't care. The Navy's secret hadn't just taken her agents' lives, it had taken hers too. Gibbs.

She felt numb, her body hollow. Immediately she thought of the time she'd lost her baby, how distant everything had felt. It had nothing on this.

"Director…"

Kerry's voice brought her back to reality, back to everything.

"I… think you should leave, Commander." her voice was surprising steady, steady and soft.

She didn't look towards him. She didn't have the strength to.

"I'm sorry, Director."

She felt the water in her eyes, her vision slowly being affected. She wouldn't cry. Not here. Definitely not near him.

"Just… leave."

He did. He daren't speak another word.

MTAC shutdown around her, the darkening of the room allowing her the privacy of a few silent tears. Of all her regrets, she had one which was hurting her the most: she hadn't told him. She should have. She wished she had. Now it was too late.

The catwalk outside MTAC was empty, so too was the bullpen downstairs. She didn't want to think about it. With a heavy heart, she stepped forward and leant against the barrier. Nothing was ever going to be the same again. Damn the Navy and their damned secrets.

"Gibbs!"

From above, Jenny saw Abby running into the empty bullpen, clearly frantic. She guessed she knew about the Chimera. She felt her lip quiver as she watched. The young Goth was clearly shaken up, having to look at the four empty desks in turn. It was heartbreaking to see. She wanted nothing more than to make it all better but that was impossible. She couldn't help heal Abby's hurting heart while hers was hurting as much as it was.

Abby, in the emptiness of the whole room, was soon aware of one presence. Slowly, she looked up, her eyes meeting Director Shepard's. There was no smile, no nothing.

At first she was cautious but somehow slowly made her way to the stairs, unsure whether she actually wanted to climb them. She wasn't sure she wanted to know.

Jenny didn't move, even when Abby made it to the top. What could she say?

"I-I saw the ship." Abby's voice was shaky, "It-It was destroyed."

Jenny didn't speak, her head just dropped. That alone made the young scientist just that little bit more frantic.

"Director…" she was holding back her tears, "Are-Are they okay?"

Jenny released a muffled sob against her hand, her shoulders soon shrugging. "I don't know, Abby." she confessed quietly.

Abby was slowly approaching, her body trembling. Gibbs, McGee, all of them – they had to be okay. They weren't allowed to get hurt.

"Were… were they on the ship?" her voice had broken.

Jenny was still clutching her wedding ring, hoping somehow it would make it better. She wanted to suddenly wake up and realise it had just been a dream – a nightmare even. It had to be. She needed it to be.

"I-I don't know, Abbs." she managed to face her, "But I think so."

Abby snapped, her breathing becoming heavier. It was enough to make Jenny tremble. The woman was like her husband's daughter – it killed her to see her so broken.

The redhead pulled the younger woman into her arms, both in need of the support they could silently give one another. It was no time for her to be Director Shepard, right now she was Jenny. Simply Jenny.

Abby clung tightly to her, shutting her eyes harshly. Maybe if she prayed hard enough, she'd wake up and it would all be over. No such luck.

"What happened?"

Abby wanted to know but Jenny couldn't answer. She didn't know how to. So instead, she just continued to hold her, mostly because she knew if she let go, she'd crumble.

Perhaps an hour had passed since the explosion but Jenny hadn't left the building. She couldn't bring herself to go home. It would be empty. That house, it was hers and Jethro's home, their home. She didn't want to go back to an empty house; it would only be a reminder of what had happened.

She found it a little comforting to be sat in his desk, not much but a little. She could clearly remember all the times she'd pushed her luck and sat there, all the looks she got from him when she dared to sit in his chair. Gibbs had always been defensive over his chair. She was surprised it never made his list of rules.

Jenny trembled in the seat. What she would have given to get one of those looks right now.

The bullpen was quiet, silent. She hated it. She hated what it stood for. It was plain wrong.

She wasn't aware of how long she'd been sat there when a single noise passed over the room. The elevator coming to a stop. She thought nothing of it until–

Jenny's heart pounded when she heard voices. Her back straightened. _She knew those voices._

"I have never been so grateful to see these orange coloured walls!"

Jenny's head snapped around.

"My stomach's never been so grateful to get off the water."

At first she was convinced her mind was playing tricks on her. It couldn't be real. However, then she saw movement. Definitely movement.

Somehow, she stood. She wasn't sure how but she did.

Her breathing stumbled when she saw them. Tony, McGee, Ziva. _They were alive._

Her breathing stopped completely when she saw him enter the room.

"GIBBS!"

Jenny hadn't even noticed Abby come back upstairs, neither had Gibbs until she dove into his chest. He didn't fight her off; he wasn't stupid. Instead, he just dropped his gear and hugged her back. It was clear by the way she was shaking that she needed it.

"I'm okay, Abbs."

The Goth was squeezing so hard it hurt but he still didn't say a word. It appeared as though he'd been right – they hadn't known they were off the ship.

"I saw the explosion… The ship was destroyed." she spoke into his shoulder, her voice breaking.

"I wasn't on it, Abbs."

She finally pulled away, slowly meeting his eye. She needed to see him; she needed to see he was alright, to see it was real.

Abby released a long breath. If it were a dream, it was a damned convincing one.

It took a moment, a long moment in Jenny's opinion, before Abby completely broke away from her husband and went to the others. She had hugs in store for all.

It was then that Gibbs met Jenny's eye. Her stomach fluttered as a sharp sting at the back of her throat appeared.

Their eyes locked and her lip trembled. He was okay. He was alive.

Jenny felt her legs wobble but she somehow managed to remain upright. She daren't move though. He may have barely been stood more than a few steps away but she knew she wouldn't make it.

Gibbs smiled softly, tenderly – the famous smile only reserved for her. She couldn't return it. She was too busy keeping herself composed.

He walked over, pained to see her so motionless, so still. It was clear she was trying hard not to crumble.

"Jen…"

His voice was soft as he reached for her. He had to show her he was okay, he needed her to register it. Jenny gripped his arms tightly as his hands settled on her waist. He winced, knowing full well she hadn't noticed just how harshly her fingers were digging into him.

"I'm alright, Jen."

She was trembling as their eyes met again, blue and green mixing dangerously. He could see just how much the incident had shaken her, her tough front having melted away. For the moment, she was Director Shepard. She was Jenny. His Jenny.

Gibbs brought his hand up to her jaw, his thumb running soothing over cheek. That was all it took – a simple touch.

Jenny released a shaky breath, finally relaxing her grip but only slightly. She had no intention of letting go. She'd been way too close to losing him.

She didn't move, she couldn't. All she was able to register was his forehead coming to rest against hers. She sighed deeply – she had what she needed. Gibbs.

He was delicate as he tilted her chin and brought his lips against hers. He was forceful enough for it to register but soft enough to make her skin tingle.

It never occurred to him it was the first time – the first time he'd ever let himself kiss her in front of the team while at NCIS. Thinking about it, it was one of the rare times he'd ever let himself kiss her in front of the team, period. The only time he recalled when he'd ever kissed her in front of the team was at their wedding. Those moments were private, his and Jenny's, but in that moment, his silent rules be damned.

Jenny sighed into the kiss, breaking away not too long after. She could barely breathe.

Any other time, DiNozzo would have wolf whistled. However, he wasn't stupid. There was a time and place and that certainly wasn't it. He shuddered, looking between his fellow co-workers. It had been one hell of a day. He just wanted to get out of there; he was sure they all did too.

Silently, having looked between each other, the four of them decided to head out. They knew Gibbs and the Director wouldn't have any objection.

"Night, Boss."

Gibbs barely turned his head but it was enough to meet Tony's eye. He acknowledged the younger man, silently accepting the fact they were all heading out. He didn't blame them.

Within moments, it was just he and Jenny left, the silence being a relative comfort. That explosion had made his ears ring a little.

Jenny was acutely aware of the instant they were left alone. That was when she felt just a little safer in letting her front down. She breathed out shakily, her sudden change hurting her husband's heart more than expected. It was in that moment he knew – something else was going on.

"Jenny, I'm okay." he breathed, bringing his hand to her cheek.

She nodded, rubbing her cheek roughly against his palm as her eyes welded shut. She felt as though the world was spinning around her.

"I know…" her voice was so quiet that even with his hearing, he struggled. However, he didn't miss the way she tilted her head into his palm and kissed him there, over and over.

"Jenny…" he tilted his forehead against hers, "Jen, what's wrong?"

He knew it was something more than simply relief over seeing him alive. He knew her well enough to see that.

She wasn't really aware she was crying until she felt his hand wipe away her tears. She just couldn't believe how stupid she'd been. He was her husband; he should have known as soon as she did.

"I… I'm just…"

Gibbs wasn't sure what to make of her struggling. Jenny never struggled to speak with him. Not now. Granted, they weren't always good with words, they spoke some languages far better than others, but she never stumbled like this.

"Jen…"

Her hands fell upon his shoulders, her grip tight enough to be noticed. Saying it was uncharacteristic was a massive understatement.

"I'm sorry… God, I'm so sorry."

His hand brushed back into her hair, his fingers soothingly massaging her scalp.

"Jen, it wasn't your fault. None of this was your fault."

She shook her head, her refusal to make eye contact concerning him. His Jenny never acted like this. The only time he could remember her even remotely like this was the night they'd lost the baby. That night he'd near enough had to promise her that he didn't blame her – he had a feeling he'd need to do the same very soon.

"No, not the ship… It's got nothing to do with the ship."

He sighed, his one hand still in her hair while the other rested on her hip. He really didn't understand but it was hurting him. He didn't like seeing her like this.

"Then what, Jen?"

"I… I should have told you." she let out a broken sob, "I should have… I could've lost you today, Jethro."

She finally met his eye, the sight making his back tense.

"And that would have killed me… because I was stupid enough not to have told you."

Gibbs could barely shake his head, the tension in his shoulders mounting.

"Told me what?"

Jenny didn't speak, she couldn't. She was still terrified at the idea of saying it aloud. It would have made it real then. Somehow, she needed a way to keep that barrier up yet still tell him what he needed to know. She couldn't survive the guilt of keeping him in the dark any longer.

It wasn't long before he noticed her move, her hand reaching for his that was resting on her hip. Shakily, she brought it to the space between them. He looked down, his frown deep as she held his hand against her stomach.

It took him a moment.

Gibbs' head snapped up, his eyes wide. He didn't speak; he wasn't sure he could.

"You're… you're not…?"

Jenny couldn't smile; his hard expression was terrifying her.

She held her breath, her teeth sinking into her lip. It had been a shock last time but he'd smiled – why wasn't he this time?

Barely a moment had passed before the corner of his mouth twitched. It was enough.

Jenny released a harsh breath when she saw, pure relief she felt flooding through her system. If he hadn't been holding her, she was sure it would have floored her.

Still, though the smile started to grow, albeit slowly, she could see the fear flicker in his eye. It was obvious that he was sharing the same concerns she was. They'd been in this situation before.

Gibbs couldn't bring himself to say. He couldn't find the right words.

He didn't care when he brought his lips against hers, the force taking her back. It wasn't rough, it wasn't soft – it was what was needed. What they both needed.

From that moment on, Jenny had needed him more than ever. For weeks, he'd been at her side when she was convinced it was all going to end like before.

It hurt him to see it. He was cautious to get his hopes up but Jenny was the extreme. She pointblank refused to buy anything, refused to let anyone get anything. She was trying to protect herself from potential heartbreak by pretending it wasn't happening.

He needed to snap her out of it. They were having a baby – she couldn't ignore it forever.

He was currently stuck with a case involving two Petty Officers who'd apparently shot each other in some sort of duel. Abby had matched the kill shots to each other's weapons but it seemed strange. The two had been close friends – why would they kill each other in that manner?

Gibbs pecked Abby's cheek. "Thanks, Abbs."

He turned to leave before he heard her speak. "Gibbs."

Automatically, he turned and met a solemn face. He sighed; he knew what was bothering her. The same thing that had been bothering him for months. Jenny.

"We need to talk about the Director."

Gibbs sighed. "I haven't got time for this, Abbs."

Abby looked momentarily horrified. "She's your wife, Gibbs!" she pointed to emphasise her next point, "It's _your_ baby she's having!"

Gibbs took a step closer to her. "I know that, Abbs. But she's not gonna listen, not yet."

Abby's forehead creased. "Why?!" she cried in defeated, "She's due any day now. Why won't she acknowledge that? I mean, why is she still working?"

Gibbs sighed. The questions Abby was voicing were the same things he'd been trying to get sorted over the past few weeks. It didn't change the fact of the matter – it wasn't going to make Jenny stop. She could be damned stubborn when she wanted to be.

"Abbs…"

"No, Gibbs!" she frowned up at him, "You need to get her to stop pushing herself. In less than a month, she's gonna be a mother and I mean, does she even realise that? You've got _nothing_ ready!"

"No, Jen's got nothing ready." he countered.

Abby sighed. She'd known for months that the team had been secretly helping Gibbs get ready, keeping the stuff as Ducky's new place for when the baby did arrive. Unlike the Director, he was aware of what was needed.

"Gibbs, I'm worried about her." Abby confessed, unashamed to let herself look anxious before him, "Why is she like this?"

Gibbs didn't speak for a moment, he just looked towards the woman before him.

He released a harsh breath. "Because of last time."

Abby's shoulders dropped. She could partially understand it.

"But that was in the first few weeks…" Abby folded her arms across herself, "She's only a couple of weeks of giving birth this time."

"I know that, Abbs." he promised her, "But she's scared. She scared of wanting everything to be okay in case something happens."

Abby slowly shook her head. "She can't afford to live like that, Gibbs." her voice was quiet, "She needs to get over it otherwise she's never gonna enjoy anything again."

Gibbs sighed. "I know, Abbs." he promised, pointing out her awaiting Caf-Pow! so he could leave, "I know."

Her words stuck with all day. All throughout DiNozzo's interrogation of the Commander who's set the two victims up, all throughout the report write up, Abby's words haunted him.

 _You need to get her to stop pushing herself._

She was right, he did. And he knew he did. He just didn't know how.

The bullpen was empty. Gibbs wasn't too sure how long he'd been the only sitting there. His report wasn't done but he didn't care. His were completely with his wife – he needed to take her home.

He abandoned his desk, barely remembering to grab the case reports as he headed upstairs. He had no intention of giving them to her; he was just going to leave them ready for the next day.

Jenny was sat at her desk when he arrived, tiredly looking over some files he didn't give two hoots about. In the dim light from her desk lamp, he could see just how heavy her eyes were.

She lifted her head and smiled softly when she caught sight of him, sighing as he closed the door behind.

"It ten o'clock, Jen." he felt the need to point out, "Let's go home."

Jenny sighed, shaking her head. "I just need to finish this, Jethro."

She hadn't realised how close he'd got until she felt herself lose grip of the file in her hand. Her head snapped up, her eyes tight. She really was going to kill him.

"Jethro!" she objected.

Gibbs simply shook his head, leaning down on her desk as he threw the file to the side.

"Home, Jen." he repeated softly, "Now."

Jenny leaned forward dangerously slowly, her face stern.

"It's funny. I don't recall you being promoted to my boss."

Gibbs' face remained neutral. "No, I'm just your husband."

His words stung a little but she let it pass.

"Come on, Jen. Please."

Jenny could feel her jaw clenching – he wasn't backing down.

She rolled her eyes. "Fine." she muttered.

She really didn't need this.

Within the hour she was home and in bed, alone. Gibbs was downstairs doing something; she'd just had to get away. She knew she was taking everything out on him, she was more than aware of it, she just couldn't stop herself. She wanted to, she really did, but she'd said a lot of things over the past few months she hadn't meant. She didn't want to cross a line and say something she'd struggle to take back.

Her arms tightened around her pillow. She was doing her best to not cry – she was sick of crying.

Calloused hands met her tense shoulders as she lay on her side. Jenny gasped, her eyes shooting open. She hadn't even heard him come in.

Each ministration made her moan; she had needed it more than she realised. She had needed the opportunity to relax.

"Jethro…" she breathed his name, feeling his lips curl against her as he kissed the back of her neck.

"Love you, Jen." he spoke against her skin, the break in his voice easily noticeable.

Her hand crossed her chest and reached for his hand on her shoulder. She gripped it tightly the same time her teeth sank into her inner lip.

"I know." she heaved a sigh, "I love you too."

It took a few moments of comfortable silence before she spoke again.

"I'm sorry, Jethro." she felt his hand still for a moment, "I'm sorry for how I've been the last few months."

He moved the hand she was gripping and threaded his fingers with hers, nuzzling her neck. There was no need for her to be sorry.

"Don't apologise, Jen– "

"Don't you dare say it's a sign of weakness." she warned him, "Because I am sorry, Jethro. I'm sorry for not letting you enjoy any of it."

"Jen…"

"I was scared." she felt compared to explain, cutting him off before he said anything which would make her lose the last ounce of composure she had left.

"I know." he breathed.

"I was scared to let myself want it, Jethro." her head turned a little, the movement followed by her rolling onto her back.

She met his eye in the darkness of the room.

"Because I do want it… I want this baby."

Gibbs smiled softly, his hand coming to rest upon her bump, their baby.

"I know."

She sighed brokenly as he found her lips. She'd needed to hear that.

Three nights later, she'd needed him more than ever – the moment she knew that the pains in her abdomen weren't simply pains. They were contractions.

The three a.m. journey to the hospital had been… _interesting_ to say the least but three cars, two broken fingers and one black eye later, she found herself in the delivery suite.

Ducky and DiNozzo sat in the waiting room, the younger man struggling to decide where to rest his hand. It turned out car doors could cause serious damage when forcibly shut upon the digits of a hand.

"Keep it elevated."

Ducky's thick accent made him comply immediately. Honestly, how many times had the old doctor had to tell him really?

"Director's fault." Tony moaned, making Ducky's lips twitch at the side.

"I wouldn't allow her to hear you say that, my dear boy."

DiNozzo's eyes widened a little. Ducky had a point – it would have been dangerous.

As a serenity seemed to fall back across the quiet waiting room, the double doors opened, effectively smashing it. While DiNozzo shot up out of seat upon instinct, Ducky simply lifted his head.

"Did I miss it? Has she had the baby yet?"

Ducky sighed as Tony held his hands out to calm the hyperactive Goth, one soon followed by a sleepy ex-Mossad and equally tired Probie Agent. Tony actually envied how alert and well-presented Abby looked considering the ungodly hour.

"Not yet, Abbs."

"It's just, when you called and said– "

"Abby."

"Yeah?"

"Breathe."

The young Goth did, smiling as she looked around. She for one was glad they'd made it on time. Then again, so was McGee. Anything to get out of a car driven by Ziva.

"Tony, what happened to your fingers?" Abby looked truly concerned.

The agent just smirked, trying to stop himself laughing. It was something he could laugh about now, just not at the time it had happened.

"Long story."

None of them were too sure how long it was before they saw movement in the form of Gibbs joining them from the other set of double doors. It was clear to them all he was tired, tired and genuinely– _happy._

Ducky smiled softly, rising to his feet. He for one was glad to see the older agent's smile. It had been a long time since he'd gotten the pleasure of seeing him look so content.

He sighed. He was glad to see it again; he had needed to see it again. After everything, he truly believed Gibbs was entitled to a little bit of happiness.

"Come on, guys." Gibbs held the door open, "There's someone I want you all to meet."

Hours passed and the sun slowly rose over DC, the natural beauty of the light hitting the Earth's surface waking the residents ready for another busy and blissful weekday.

Five people not in need nature's alarm clock were Special Agents DiNozzo, McGee and David, Dr. Mallard or Forensic Scientist Abigail Scutio. As the city awoke slowly, those five were all in need of something much more serene – their beds.

Exiting the hospital as the day staff began to arrive, all five were noticeably tired but also noticeably happy. How could they not be? They'd just met the newest addition to the family.

Somewhere in the hospital behind them, their boss and his boss – his wife – sat in the blissful silence of her hospital room.

Jenny was tired beyond belief and now the team had left, it had hit her hard. It'd been a long day yet it had barely begun. However, it had been worth it. Completely worth it.

She lay in bed, her eyes fluttering slowly as she watched the scene in the corner. Gibbs sat with the most perfect smile, cradling the now-sleeping new-born comfortably in one arm while using his free hand to lightly rub the baby's cheek.

For a long time, Jenny had been afraid, afraid to voice what she wanted. What she saw wasn't what she wanted – it was what she had needed.

She sighed contently, knowing full well the smile she was displaying was the tired version of her husband's. He looked over, meeting her eye softly. Even in her current state, she could take his breath away.

"You did good, Jen."

Her smile grew as her eyes closed. She didn't want to sleep but she didn't think she had much choice. She was in dire need of rest.

She was aware that he was moving and by the time her eyes reopened, their baby was in the cot at the side of the room and he was sat on the edge of her bed. She must have been tired; she hadn't even noticed him take a seat.

Gibbs' hand came to forehead, trailing lightly down the side of her face and stopping on her cheek. A simple touch but it was enough to make her shudder.

He leant down and pecked the side of her cheek. "You did amazing."

His words were soft against her skin and she appreciated them more than most.

"How's DiNozzo's fingers?" she asked with placid amusement.

Gibbs sat up slowly, smiling just that little bit more.

"He'll live."

Jenny giggled quietly at the memory. She had told him to hurry up – he just hadn't closed the door as quick as she'd wanted. Big mistake. If he'd just closed it as quickly as he'd opened it after she'd shut his hand in the door, none of it would have happened.

"Besides, he'll have more if that journalist dares to publish that picture."

Jenny look at her husband, not completely understanding.

"He's under orders to go punch him out if any of those pictures of my wife end up in the press."

Jenny's eyes rolled, falling closed again. "I wonder who gave that order."

He smirked, thinking about the journalist with that threat hanging over his head. It was more than likely he'd be waking up that fine morning to a cracking black eye. DiNozzo hadn't been particularly gentle when he shoved the camera away – it had hit the young man directly in the eye socket. At the time, Gibbs' priority had been Jenny but now thinking back on it, he reminded himself to somehow thank DiNozzo soon. Perhaps hold back on a head-slap or two – it had been a damn good shot.

Soft winging from the cot by the bed caught the attention of both of them. By the time it took Jenny to open her eyes, Gibbs was already up and soothing the stirring new-born.

Jenny moved, only slightly, to reposition herself in the bed. She then held her hand out a little.

"Bring him over."

Her voice was soft but more than enough for Gibbs to hear. Without saying a word, he did. Quietly, he wheeled the cot over and placed it right next to Jenny's bed. He then sat down on the free chair and leant down to the healthy baby boy, his finger stroking his cheek.

A son. They had a son.

Jenny sighed and reached out to feel his tiny hand, nestling her fingertip in the new-born's palm. She knew immediately – the little boy was going to do a lot of things: be trouble, break her heart, and make every day of the rest of her life have a wonderful meaning. He was only hours old and she knew it with certainty, Jack Gibbs was going to be just like his father.

Glancing down at him for the final time before heavy eyelids won the battle, she smiled.

She had needed this. She had needed this more than she thought possible.

For a long time, Jenny Shepard had been afraid. She had been afraid to want something, afraid to truly need something. She had learnt the hard way that wanting something could end in heartbreak. All she had needed was security, certainty. Safety.

She had it now.

She had Jethro. She had Jack. She had the team.

She had her family.

Jenny Shepard didn't know everything; she didn't claim to. However, she knew this:

She would never want for anything again. She had everything her heart needed.


End file.
